Emily Yoffe Swears She Isn’t Being a Rape Apologist While Writing a Piece of Rape Apologia

*headdesk*

Hey women!  Want to stop getting raped?  Then stop fucking drinking.

While you are at it, you may want to stop dressing like a slut as well.  And make sure you are never anywhere alone.  You probably also want to plan to be home before dark.  Parties are right out.  I’d probably suggest that you cut dates with out chaperons out of the picture.

Hell, how about you just stay inside all the time.  You can go to school online, after all.  Then maybe you can find a good job that lets you cyber commute.

Only then can you be truly certain that your tempting female form isn’t driving some poor, animalistic, unable to control his hormones man into the unstoppable fury of female caused rape.

On second thought, that may not be enough.  You better make sure to install a security system as well, and make sure you have the best deadbolts that money can buy.  Otherwise, I can just hear the man in court now.  “But your Honor, she only had a chain lock and one dead bolt.  She was practically asking for me to kick in the door and fuck her.”

Let’s see what the Salon thinks about Emily Yoffe’s victim blaming:

“College Women: Stop Getting Drunk,” reads the title of a Wednesday piece by Slate’s Emily Yoffe. “It’s closely associated with sexual assault,” the headline continues. “And yet we’re reluctant to tell women to stop doing it.”

And so begins Yoffe’s entreaty that women stop drinking alcohol so that men will stop raping them. Or so that women will not, according to Yoffe, “end up being raped” as a result of their drinking.

There is, of course, a lot to be said about Yoffe’s “this is not rape apologia” rape apologia, but let’s start with this: Our culture is not, and has never been, “reluctant” to tell women to stop doing things. In fact, people build entire careers around it.

And yet this false idea, that women’s behavior is the real reason they are victimized — and that we live in a society that does a poor job of policing such behavior — is regularly used to blame sexual violence on the “problem” of young women today.

Richard Cohen and Concerned Women for America have both cited Miley Cyrus’ recent embrace of tongue-wagging and half-shirts as a reason that teenage football players rape unconscious 16-year-olds. A judge in Montana declared a 14-year-old rape victim “older than her chronological age” and said she was ”as much in control” of the crime committed against her as her 49-year-old rapist. A 14-year-old cheerleader in Missouri is allegedly raped and abandoned outside by her alleged rapist, wearing only a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt on a freezing morning, and Yoffe points to the girl’s consumption of a “big glass of clear liquid” as the real problem in need of addressing.

This is the very definition of rape culture. And it is so completely tired.

“We’re reluctant to tell women to stop doing it”?  In what country?  We live in a culture that has never had a single problem telling women to stop doing something.  Hell, our culture practically screams “it’s your fault” at rape victims daily.  Why don’t we go to the real problem?  Why don’t we tell men not to rape?

You can read the Salon piece at your leisure, but I want to point out this final part to underscore the above point.

But what’s not being said or taught, and what Yoffe only mentions in the final paragraph of a piece spent blaming women and girls for drinking themselves into victimhood, is what men and boys can do to stop rape. First and foremost, they can not rape.

Yoffe notes that, if she had a son, she would tell him not to binge drink so that he wouldn’t “find himself accused of raping a drunken classmate” (a chilling framing, really, since it casts suspicion on the credibility of even a hypothetical rape victim’s accusation); this is, perhaps, the piece she should have written.

To tell her young, hypothetical son — and all of the young, not-so-hypothetical sons of others — not to rape women. Clearly, it is advice they need to hear.

Wait.  What?

Yoffe notes that, if she had a son, she would tell him not to binge drink so that he wouldn’t “find himself accused of raping a drunken classmate”

Seriously?

“find himself accused of raping a drunken classmate”

*headdesk*

3 responses

  1. Yep, gender equality can never come by women’s efforts. It requires men to change, because it’s men that have been the problem.

    And yeah, that last bit is particularly egregious. “find himself accused”. Whoa-boy.
    How about telling the young men not to drink to the point of belligerence in public, not to view women as objects, not to disrespect women, and not expect to have sex with women at parties. That could probably be enough, but not all parents impress that on their sons, let alone to talk about rape.
    Some mother that actually ingrains it in to her son that women are conniving & out to entrap him. That’s bound to get him to disrespect women, just on mere paranoia.

    But it’s always expected women are responsible for stuff.
    Birth control, single parenthood, rape, the hook-up culture… They’re all things that are viewed as a woman’s responsibility to prevent, and a woman’s fault if it happens.

    And it’s more subtle, but still there in the employment culture, not just sex. Even on the job, it’s all up to the woman to fight & struggle to get anywhere. Get more education than necessary for a job in order to compete with men… be 10x as strong & confident when in a management position in order to be respected… be extra nice to co-workers so they’re not threatened… etc etc.

  2. *headdesk*

    I just had a 500 or so word reply almost done and firefox crashed when I was searching for something. And for some reason I am replying on the post instead of using the dashboard where it would have saved drafts for me.

    *facepalm*

    In a nutshell, what I was saying was “yep, no matter what. Culture, religion, media, education are all held blameless, because it is all the woman’s fault.”

    They can’t admit that women make less money because of sexism. It has to be the woman’s fault. The second they admit that it is sexism, they admit that their status is the result of inequality that needs to be fixed.
    Just like the current epidemic of sexual assaults can not be due to anything but the women themselves. Either they are dressing like sluts, drinking too much, or putting themselves in situations that scream “rape me please!” The second you admit that there is such a thing as “rape culture” and that something about the way we are educating and conditioning young men seems to be pushing some of them into the realm of sexual assault, you admit that there is a complicated problem that needs studied and addressed. Isn’t it just easier to tell women to stop drinking so damn much?

    I remember years ago there was a Japanese video game by the name of Rapelay. For those of you with some knowledge about Japanese culture, you probably can guess what the game is about. For those who don’t…. The game is done in the Japanese animation style and is psuedo-3d. Here is a bit of the wiki for the game. Mind you, this is not satire. I have seen the game. It is real.

    “RapeLay is played from the perspective of a chikan named Kimura Masaya, who stalks and subsequently rapes the Kiryuu family (a mother and her two daughters).

    The player can choose from a variety of sexual positions, and controls the action by making movements with the mouse or by scrolling the mouse wheel. It features a realistic sexual simulator which allows the player to grope and undress the characters on a crowded train. Later, the player may have forced intercourse with all three women at his leisure. The player has a variety of sexual positions to choose from such as woman on top, forced fellatio (irrumatio), and threesomes. RapeLay also has a “nakadashi” (internal ejaculation) counter, which carries a danger of pregnancy.”

    Of course, that is but an extreme example. We also live in a day where websites that feature pictures of unaware women taken by stalkers are popular. Where a simple google search will find you websites filled with pictures of “jailbait” in bathing suits and skimpy clothing, mainly harvested off of the girls social media pages. Pages intended for their friends, not random45yearoldguy01. Where “revenge porn” sites have taken off like wildfire, giving jilted lovers and just plain assholes a place to publish nude and pornographic pics and videos of their ex’s, pics and videos that were intended for one person’s eyes, now unleashed onto the internet where they will never go away. Some sites make a big showing of including the persons real name, in some cases with phone numbers and address.

    With, as Dan Savage says, each of us having our own personal porn production studio in our pockets (our smartphones) the day is coming where the minority will be the people who have never taken a naked photo of themselves for a significant other.

    And yet sites like these exist solely because of people posting non consensual pictures. Even this is laid at the feet of the woman. “The slut shouldn’t have sent him pictures if she didn’t want everyone in the world with an internet connection, including her grandfather, her first grade teacher, and her priest, to see her breasts.” The stalker websites and the jailbait websites probably need a bit more creativity. “hey, if that 11 yearold didn’t want 55 year old men to masturbate while looking at her picture, she shouldn’t have posted that picture of her in a bathing suit getting ready to ride a waterslide.” or “if that woman didn’t want us looking at upskirt pictures of her panties, then she shouldn’t climb steps without checking every person around her for shoe mirrors and hidden cameras. Slut.”

    I’m rambling now. I am just totally amazed at the victim blaming in our culture. It is so engrained it seems. Poor people are poor cause they are lazy, good for nothing, trash. Women get raped because they ask for it. The kid in the inner city school isn’t struggling because he’s worried about getting shot and he has to share a text book with the kid next to him while the kids in the suburbs get district provided laptops, it’s because he is stupid. Of course the shooting of Trevon Martin was justified self defense caused by Martin, what was George Zimmerman supposed to do, stay in his car and listen to the police? Not racially profile a kid on a snack run as a thug gangsta? Not bring a cannon to a fist fight? As if! Your honor, this football player is totes innocent of any charges. I mean, the girl was totally blacked out. If she can’t talk, she can’t say no! And sure he left her in her yard in freezing weather. What was he supposed to do? Get her in trouble with her parents by ringing the doorbell and letting them see her drunk? He was looking out for the kid! Boys, they will be boys. And now this incredible young man, who got up and got her a drink at her first party, who paid attention to her even though she was new to town, who looked out for her instead of selling her out to her parents, this man is being accused of rape? Inconceivable!

  3. Yeah, the Japanese know how to go to extremes, that’s for sure.
    Hello Kitty…
    And then Hello Kitty vibrators & breast pumps. ha ha
    And then there was Urotsukidoji. Remember seeing that in the early 90s.
    On the flip side, around the same time I saw the German movie Necromantiks 2.

    The thing is of course is that just because someone wants to view something in the dodgy perverse area involving fantasy… does not mean they’re automatically advocating for that type of behaviour in real life.
    Well, at least not forced. Some people do get into the kink obviously. And hey, I don’t understand a lot of that stuff, but on the other hand – consenting adults, I think that’s their business.

    The fact that some use it as a warm up, and then lead into wrong or even criminal activities, says something about their initial socialization I think. Somewhere these slut-shaming women and Flatliners style creeps with sneaky cameras, didn’t get the right messages from adults when young.
    Whether it because they were growing up poor, with a lack of resources and parents who were busy, distracted, or themselves dysfunctional. Or even if they grew up affluent, with parents who were busy, distracted, or themselves dysfunctional, and then tried to make up for it by shielding the young aggressor when he got into trouble.

    I think we need to come to some sort of realization here, that if you expect people to work so much (Americans spend more time at work than most other wealthy nations), just to get by (or to have a nice life for that matter)… we need a FAR more robust public education system to step in and teach kids more than just reading & math, but to teach basic social skills & emotional regulation, to make up for the fact that we expect those kids’ parents to work all the time, and the kids to be involved in 2 million extra-curricular activities so they can put it on a fancy college application, not to actually get any positive experiences from it other than you know, being expected to win win win win.
    But here there’s now this trend to get rid of education altogether it seems. I mean beyond training people for specialized mind-numbing individualized tasks for which they will be paid not enough to live and then ridiculed when they are drowning in student debt and in need of food stamps and can’t even find a job doing what they trained for.

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