You are welcome. For those of you not willing to spend 13 minutes of your life being lied to, I give you Jezebel’s point by point review of this classic piece of pure insanity:
1. Birth control will make it so no man wants to have sex with you.
This is because chemicals in hormones interfere with phermones, which render women ugly to men. That’s why no one has sex anymore. Because men are just totally turned off by women, because of birth control.
2. Contraception confuses men and has led to an exponential increase in sluttery.
“Studies have shown that men are more attracted to more average, fertile women than they are even to super models,” according to the video. Studies! Can’t argue with studies!
To make up for the dearth in female attractiveness, women have to try extra hard to attract a man, painting themselves up like Whores of Babylon and opening their legs to whoever. The video, again,
Contracepting women degrade themselves through immodest dress and action in an attempt to attract men who are confused from a lack of fertile women.
“Contracepting” Is that a word anyplace but deep in the heart of Wingnuttia?
3. Whore pills will cause your monkey husband to divorce you, and then turn gay.
Unfortunately, because of the confusing chemicals in birth control significantly reducing the number of attractive women, men are really having a rough time. “What is a man to do when the majority of women are contracepting, and he no longer finds them desirable?” laments the concerned lady voiceover.
Are you ready for another science bomb brought to you by that historical bastion of science known as the Catholic church? Someone did a study in the 70’s that found that giving monkey women the Depo Provera shot caused the alpha monkey male to stop being attracted to them. After all of the females in his cage area were given Depo shots, the alpha male started having sexual intercourse with boy monkeys.
Ergo, birth control will turn your boyfriend gay, because humans are exactly like monkeys in every way.
5. Those harlot-enablers you’re taking once a day? The same thing as baby murder.
That’s right. You are MURDERING CHILDREN by preventing pregnancy. But, uh, first let me get the fine print out of the way: “baby” means fertilized egg. And we’re also going to pretend that there is scientific evidence to prove that fertilized egg implantation is prevented by the Pill. Which there isn’t.
But, shh. It’s way more convenient to build an anti-birth control straw man when we pretend that we’re uncomfortable with BABIES DYING rather than women having and enjoying sex without punishment.
A fertilized egg doesn’t look like a tiny homunculus as it swims doggedly for the uterus. It’s more like a drifting bundle of undifferentiated cells so small you can’t see it in a microscope.
7. Birth control causes adultery, divorce, abortion, homosexuality, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity, adultery, divorce, abortion, homosexuality, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity, adultery, divorce, abortion, homosexuality, sexually transmitted diseases,and promiscuity.
Beware the scrolling Star Wars text of DOOM. All of these horrible things will happen to you thrice if you are one of the 99% of women who have at some point used hormonal contraceptives.
With all this crazy going on, racism can’t be far away can it?
8. Let’s just come out and say it: birth control means not enough white babies.
This is some pretty bold dog whistle racism. Instead of using a dog whistle, the video’s just like, “Psst… white babies.” It’s not really a dog whistle as much as a dog hand signal that everyone can see.
Anyway, according to the video basically, if people in “good” countries like Russia and Germany and Amurrica don’t start having more babies, soon the world will be overrun with mud-people. As it stands right now, the American birth rate is barely high enough to sustain a healthy population, and that’s only because of immigration (psst: MEXICANS).
Most racist nuns ever or what?!
Anyway, the kicker, with explanatory asides added: “We (whites) are contracepting (lol; that’s not a gerund-able verb) ourselves (again, whites) out of existence.” And there’s no such thing as global overpopulation, because all humans could conceivably live in a space the size of Texas.
11. Contraceptecons are leading to beastiality and sex with children.
OK, I know some of the stuff from the video has been a little “out there,” but just try to follow the logic here: birth control is making us like animals because it’s allowing us to have sex whenever without getting pregnant, just like animals (oh, um… wait…). Anyway. So we’re like animals now because we have sex all the time, sometimes even whilst listening to popular songs by The Bloodhound Gang, which is leading a man named Brian in California to have sex with his dogs. Additionally, birth control-crazed men have even formed a club called “NAMBLA,” which works to make having sex with children legal.
See? It’s all coming together. Birth control made Brian rape his dogs. Having sex while on birth control is exactly like doing it with a person or entity that can’t consent.
12. Sterilization bad because people are more important than racehorses.
“If you had a valuable racehorse, because of its worth, you’d want it to have as many offspring as possible. But the value of a horse is nothing compared to the infinite value of each and every person.”
This is a real quote from the video.
Game. Set. Match. No wonder female racehorses are constantly pregnant!
Too much crazy packed into 13 and a half minutes. Go to Jezebel and read the full take down.
Then all together we can loudly say “Wait, What?!”