It started off as a good morning. My group at the clinic was actually almost interesting, I spent yesterday hiking so my legs have that satisfied dull ache of time well spent, and it was raining this morning; hard enough that it was cool outside and comfortable for my chow during our morning walk, yet soft enough that I wasn’t rushing through it to get back into the dry house. In fact, I even took off my rain parka halfway through when it became more of a mist than a rain. All in all a good start to the day.
Until I sat down at the computer with my breakfast to catch up on some blogs. You see, I went over to Dispatches from the Culture War and learned a very disturbing fact before I was even 1/4th of the way through my bagel. Other people, including some who happen to be homosexual, eat lunch, and by implication, also eat breakfast!
Suddenly, the cream cheese on my bagel tasted sour. The milk in my cereal instantly spoiled. The nut covered raisins shriveled as the lightly sweetened flakes turned stale. Other people eat breakfast? How dare they! Breakfast is my meal. The knowledge that other people are also eating food in the morning makes my breakfast meaningless. I mean, what is the point of eating breakfast if other people, especially gay people, are allowed to do it as well?
Look. Breakfast is a sacred meal that I eat that connects me to the food producers, the farmers, bakers, factory workers, truck drivers, supermarket employee’s, and cows that come together to provide my morning sustenance. It is prepared in a specific way, and always accompanied by good coffee and reading materials. Who knows how all these countless other people are profaning my morning meal? Someone may be putting butter on a bagel. Or drinking Maxwell House coffee instead of grinding their own coffee beans. And I bet Ray Comfort cuts up a banana for his cereal. Fucking blasphemy. And I don’t even want to think about what kinky filth is involved in homosexual breakfast.
They have toppled my breakfast. Here is what lunch eater, Ed Brayton, had to say on the issue, first quoting from a column by some megachurch pastor:
From their juridical lair, the liberal Gang of Five recently set off a catalytic charge toppling traditional marriage – the last principled pillar upholding Uncle Sam’s home.
Really? Traditional marriage was toppled? You mean straight people are going to stop getting married? Stop having kids? Stop loving their families? Indeed, how will any marriage be affected in any way because others are allowed to get married too? When other people get to eat lunch, does that somehow diminish your lunch? Has your lunch been toppled?
You really should go over to Ed’s blog and read the article. It is about megachurch pastor Dan Cummins’ insane overreaction to the Supreme Court rulings on gay marriage. It is worth reading, if only to find out about the “Rainbow Curtain” destined to fall on our nation, and Janet Napolitano’s supposed plot to use foreign armies to enforce marriage equality. I’d comment further, but I’m too busy mourning my toppled breakfast.