Breaking news! Go to church! Read your Bible! Offer the nearest priest a blowjob (assuming you are a 10 year old boy. If you are a male of legal age, find the nearest mega-church pastor to offer your services to and make sure to bring the meth! If you’re a women, well…you can skip this round)!!!! Burn your atheist books! Burn an atheist for that matter, and a witch for good measure! It just got mother fucking real:
Archaeologists working at an ancient church in Turkey think they’ve unearthed a piece of the world’s most famous cross, the one used to crucify Jesus.
They found a stone chest during excavation at a 1,350-year-old church, and the chest had a number of relics inside believed to be associated with the crucifixion, a historian at Turkey’s Mimar Sinan University of Fine Arts tells the Hurriyet Daily News.
“We have found a holy thing in a chest,” she says. “It is a piece of a cross,” and they think it’s from the cross.
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, they found the True Cross! Repent, ye sinners, repent, because what else could it be? I mean, it is a piece of wood! From a box! Found in an old church! Why would they put a piece of wood in a box if it wasn’t part of the True Cross? There is only one other question that crosses my mind….
And let’s be totally clear what they are covering. Some archeologists from Turkey skipped the scientific process and went right to the media about a discovery, a discovery that, when you take away the breathless “Its Jesus’ fucking cross” overreaction, amounts to an unidentified piece of wood in a box from an old church. 1. How the fuck do they know it is part of a cross? How big is this piece of wood? It fit in a box, obviously it isn’t the full cross. Is it labeled, “authentic piece of the cross Jesus H. Christ was crucified on”? 2. Even going out on a limb and granting it the status as a piece of a cross, how would they ever be able to prove it was the cross Jesus was crucified on, if that even ever happened? Do you know how many people the Romans crucified? We don’t exactly have a DNA sample to compare any blood found on the wood with, now do we? And how would we ever be able to show that this was the real deal and not one of the countless fake relics that have existed throughout the ages?
Why was this story even reported? Fucking idiocy.