Symptoms of Demonic Possession Apparently Include Singing Horrible Music, The Obnoxious Waving of Your Tongue, and Twerking.

If you pay any attention to pop culture, you are no doubt aware of “Twerkingate,” the latest pseudoscandal launched by the MTV Video Music Awards, in which a former Disney channel star continues her plan to sell records by cultivating the persona of a hypersexualized, barely legal, rebellious rock star who is willing to do anything for both the shock value and her incredible lack of regard for what you think.  Which I think would be not only edgy, but also somewhat feminist in a “take control of one’s own sexuality” type of way if 1) it hadn’t already been done to death countless times since Madonna actually shocked people with the persona, and 2) if it seemed like anything other than a calculated business decision geared to escaping the stereotype of a goody two shoes Disney star.  While I am certain that Miley Cyrus’ twerking demonstration at the VMA’s led to many pearls being clutched by self appointed media watchdogs, the majority reaction was most likely “Why does she keep sticking her tongue out like that?”  Let’s turn to the Onion AV Club for coverage:

Wondering aloud what happened to that nice girl they used to hire to babysit, Americans were shocked to see 20-year-old pop star Miley Cyrus strip to her underwear and gyrate suggestively at last night’s MTV Video Music Awards, the annual celebration commemorating the year’s best efforts at distinguishing nearly indiscernible pop music with empty visual spectacle. Surprising all who believed she was probably off at college and maybe studying nursing, and who haven’t looked at the Internet in the past year or so, Cyrus took the stage surrounded by giant teddy bears and wearing a furry, teddy bear-emblazoned one-piece—signifiers of childhood innocence she symbolically stripped away by literally stripping, leaving only the flesh-colored underwear that grown women wear, because they are proud of the naked bodies they intend to use for sex.

Imitating how those grown women behave when they are pursuing said grown-woman sex, Cyrus then began grinding on everything in sight, including Beetlejuice-suit-clad singer Robin Thicke, an adult male to whom Cyrus presented her posterior in a way that could be read as invitation for intercourse. Cyrus also stroked her crotch with a giant foam finger, in a manner that evoked masturbation, and being the No. 1 fan of it. Furthermore, she “twerked”—a dance move that involves jerking the pelvis in a manner she definitely didn’t learn at cotillion—and dangled her tongue from the side of her mouth as a sign of rebellion, as well as possible dehydration from having so much sex.

But could something more sinister than either a calculated business decision to sell more CD’s or a 20 year old acting out in a hypersexualized way to prove she is all grown up be at work here?  Could a certain fallen angel be pulling the strings behind the scenes?  Could Miley be under the influence of something other than hormones, millions of dollars, and whatever drugs she feels like taking at the moment?  Could it be Satan?

I am not the first person to raise this question.  Her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, questioned Satan’s influence in his daughters life 2 years ago in GQ.  Let’s go to the way back machine provided by the Onion’s AV Club and check it out:

Of course, Cyrus believes there may be a bigger monster at play here than Disney: He relates an anecdote about how the Cyrus clan—fresh from a group baptism in their wholesome hometown of Franklin, Tennessee—arrived in Hollywood and immediately came across a sign on the Los Angeles freeway that read, “ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY, ATHEISTS UNITED.” In Cyrus’ words, it was “a physical sign. It could have easily said ‘You will now be attacked by Satan.’ ‘Entering this industry, you are now on the highway to darkness.’” As to whether he thinks that means his family is now under the crooked thumb of Old Scratch himself, Cyrus says, “I think we are right now. No doubt. There’s no doubt about it,” adding, “There has always been a battle between good and evil.”

And now everything makes perfect sense.  Or at least the tongue waving.

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