Fun Facts About Bradlee Dean

On this weekend’s edition of Sons of Liberty Radio, host Bradlee Dean, the drummer of the Christian metal band Junkyard Prophet who once attempted to sue Rachael Maddow for quoting him, revealed some very interesting statistics.  Dean, who performs school assemblies, public schools included, designed to spread bigotry in the name of Jesus, first claimed that abortion and homosexuality are the “last two stages a country takes” before God decides to fuck all that forgiveness crap and pass judgement upon a nation.  Then his fellow host Jake McMillan reached deep into his friends rectum and pulled out the following facts:

“half of the murders in large cities were committed by homosexuals; thirty-three percent of child abuse cases were committed by homosexuals; half of the foster children molestations were done by homosexuals.”

McMillan went on to explain why homosexuals are so evil:

McMillan explained, to Dean’s agreement, that gays are prone to criminality because “when a person’s mind has gone to that extent of committing an abominable act, it shows what else they are capable of.”

Dean jumped in to explain how the evil gay mafia gets away with it all:

But of course gay rights are gaining ground, Dean claimed, since “they got their homo in office,” and have “infiltrated” the White House.

You can listen to all of these words come from the bigots mouths over at Right Wing Watch, if you are so inclined.

Can we pause a second to think about this?  Half of the murders in large cities.  Half.  Citation.  Fucking.  Needed.  Out of all the made up statistics I have ever seen (by the way, 72% of all statistics quoted on the internet are made up by the person quoting them, current statistic included,) this one takes the bukkake.  How gullible or bigoted does one have to be to read that and not immediately call bullshit?  How much of an insult to his audience is it that Bradlee thinks they will buy this stat?  How sad is it that a majority of his listeners probably are thinking that all homosexuals do is suck cock, fuck ass, and kill people?

Since Bradlee and his co-host opened the door wide open with those “statistics” and the claim that President Obama is a homosexual, I feel it is only right to show Mr. Dean that I can make stuff up as well.  So for all your right wing trivia needs, here is:

Fun Facts About Bradlee Dean!

  • To those he is close to, Bradlee’s nickname is “cumdumpster.”  And according to fellow members of Junkyard Prophet, he earned the nickname.
  • While Bradlee is the butch in his relationship with his co-host Jake, behind closed doors Bradlee is 100% a catcher.
  • Bradlee keeps his hair long not because he is in a metal band, but because Jake likes something to hold on to when he is pitching.
  • Bradlee’s most cherished fantasy is to be taken by an African American in a position of power; when he claims Obama is a homosexual, he is masturbating.

All of that is exactly as true as homosexuals committing half of all murders in large cities.  Well, with one difference.  There is a slight chance that one of the claims I made could actually be true.  We all know how repressed homosexual desire can present as homophobia.  It is quite possible that Bradlee Dean could lust after cock.  And though very doubtful, it could be true that he actively gobbles the cock night and day, and publicly spews forth his homophobic hatred out of a sense of shame.  The only thing completely impossible is that homosexuals commit half of all murders in large cities, 33% of all child sexual abuse, and half of all foster child molestations.  Compared to that list, my list is practically accurate.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Fun Facts About Bradlee Dean

  1. OK, so “half of the murders in large cities were committed by homosexuals; thirty-three percent of child abuse cases were committed by homosexuals; half of the foster children molestations were done by homosexuals.”
    Then half are committed by straight people, and 66% are committed by straight people, and half were done by straight people. How does that make gay people worse? Homos are even, and are way better on child abuse, even with his phony-baloney bigoted stats!

    • No, it is unfortunately much worse than that. If the amount of straight and gay people was close to even, then your observation would be true. But Bradlee and his alleged lover Jake are claiming that roughly 3.8 percent of the population is committing the crimes he is accusing them of. Even assuming a larger share of the population for LGBTQ folks in and around major urban centers, pretty much every single LGBTQ person would have to be planning a murder, a child sexual assault, or using the foster child system as Adult Friend Finder for this statistic to be accurate. Which would leave absolutely no time for all the gay sex alleged repressed cock monsters like Bradlee Dean spend all their time obsessing about.

      This is perhaps the most unrealistic attempt at demonizing homosexuals since the Pink Swastika and the claim that homosexuals were directly responsible for Adolph Hitler and the holocaust. And the most ironic thing about it (which probably ensures that at least one person will stop by to inform me that it isn’t technically “ironic”) is that based on population data, if I were to turn the claim around and say that “a full one half of all murders in large cities, 33% of all child sexual abuse cases, and half of all foster children molestations were committed by Christians” I would almost be guaranteed of undershooting the actual statistic.

      Their completely invented statistic is as outrageous as me claiming that 99% of all gay porn shot in American stars at least one member of Junkyard Prophet, and that Bradlee Dean has personally taken part, as the target, in a full 75% of all gay bukkake scenes shot in the last 10 years world wide.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s