It’s Monday, So That Means Game of Thrones.

Okay, so I’m going to type as I watch.

So Sansa seemed to take Jon being resurrected surprisingly well.  I guess after everything she’s been through, she’s now unflappable.

Davos never asked Mel what happened with Stannis until now?  Wtf?

Lady Brienne: Stone Cold Killer.  When D&D were reading the later novels, did they skip Brienne’s chapters because they didn’t feel they were “dramatically satisfying” enough?

Look, it is the Vale!  Seems like chaos is still a ladder.

So here is my prediction.  The character played by Sophie Turner formerly known as Sansa, Totally unchanged by death Jon, and the wildling army are going to march against Ramsey Sue the Great and his brainless Northern Lords.  Things are going to be looking really bad for the Wildling Bunch, but just before they are routed from the field, Deus Ex Baelish shows up with the Knights of the Vale to save the day.

Now that would be “dramatically satisfying.”

I’m going to save my many objections to that possibility for when/if it happens.  Not going to critique them for something that may just be in my head.

After three attempts, I have come to the conclusion that there is no way for me to properly critique the show’s handling of Meereen outside of a thousand word minimum essay.  Instead, while waiting for those essays to spring up at Fandom Following or other similar locations, let me utter 3 simple words: Fuck that noise.

Oh, it’s the Jorah and Daario roadshow!

Damn, they are sneaky.  Gratuitous sex for 100$, Alex.  Jorah really became a shitty fighter quick, didn’t he?  Wait….just because he smashed his head in, wouldn’t the stab wound still be visible?

Why is Marg in jail again?  Giving food to the poor?  Raping the King?  Oh, it was perjury, wasn’t it?

Dude, I’m an atheist that borders on anti-theism and I am uncomfortable with their portrayal of religion.

Poor Carol!  Such a loving tiger mom who has been treated so poorly by the patriarchy.

Seriously, what would people have done if Peter Jackson turned Saruman into a hero?

/mourn Jaime Lannister’s book character.

How the fuck did Theon get back to the Iron Islands that fast?  Does he have some of that Sand Snake Teleportation Magic?

How did he get over his torture that fast?

Hey everyone, its the most important character in Game of Thrones, Ramsey!!!!!!  Will he rape Osha then kill her, or just kill her?

Huh, just killed her.  See, they did rethink their treatment of women.  *roll eyes*

The Pink Letter?  Is it?

Yep.  Sure is the “Pink Letter.”  Well, some form of the Pink Letter.  Sure would have made sense if that letter would have came last season, and I don’t know, resulted in the assassination plot?  Meh, silly idea.

Okay.  Seriously now.  Jon knows about the White Walkers.  His personal plan is to move south and live a normal life for a year or so until the others wipe out humanity?  Why would he even start arguing with Sansa?  I guess I could see if his argument was “Winterfell isn’t important, we need to fight the real enemy” but instead it was “I’m done fighting”?

And dammit, something tells me I better just start writing my thousand word meta on why Littlefinger and the Vale knights showing up as a Deus Ex Petyr is so idiotic.

 

So after telling her they didn’t care what she had to say, they listened to her instead of slapping her down and telling her to shut up.

Wait…..is she psychically calling Drogo?

No, even stupider.  She is fire proof.

Even her hair!

 

Okay….Ratings.  For a television show, I guess I’ll give it a 3 out of 10.  Or a 2.  Nah, a 3.  I enjoyed the hug between Jon and Sansa, cheered for Cersei, Jaime, Kevin, and Olenna as they hatched their plan to take out the over-the-top  High Sparrow, breathed a sigh of relief that Marg is far from broken and still scheming ways to get out of this instead of becoming a true believer, and while admitting that it is very problematic for a myriad of reasons, enjoyed Dany taking over the Khalasar.  On the negative side, Tyrion’s scenes are now physically painful to watch, the Iron Island stuff is pointless, and just about nothing makes any sense.  Wasn’t Davos the president of Jon’s fan club last week?  Now he suddenly cares about Stannis again?  How much vengeance does Brienne need?  Does she have to be a stone cold killer to be a strong woman?  Petyr is just getting to the Vale?  Does anyone ever move at any speed that isn’t plot speed?  Did Jon forget about the others?   The Faith really has Marg locked up for perjury?  Is Cersei a villain or hero?  What was there in that Ramsey scene that was so important that we had to see it?  Seriously, they could have just said Osha was killed off screen when they handed over Rickon.  No, instead they had to bring the actress back and take up screen time that could have been given to any other plot line, all so….what?  We could find out Ramsey was evil?  I think we knew that already.  Just….why?

As an adaptation?  0 out of 10.

I know, I said it was a firm 1-10 scale and all, but I can’t give it a 1.  It isn’t an adaptation anymore.  It is pure fan fiction.  None of the plot lines this week have anything in common with the novels.  I mean, I guess I could say that there was the “Pink Letter,” but so what?  Just because Jon got a letter from Ramsey doesn’t mean they adapted that plot line.  Everything relating to it has changed.  I guess they are adapting Dany’s Meereen plot, except with Tyrion in the place of Dany….but that doesn’t make an adaptation.  At this point, I firmly expect the show to end with Ramsey married to Cersei, ruling from the Iron Throne, with Tyrion as the Hand of the King, after those three become dragon riders and save humanity from the others.  Because why not end with D&D’s three favorite characters triumphant?

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