Exciting Announcement!

Guys, I have finally been given the go ahead to talk about my latest project, coming for the spring 2015 television season.  Yes, you heard it here first.  Thanks to the recent success of Eaten Alive, Foster Disbelief, in association with The Discovery Channel, will produce, direct and star in a live docutainment extravaganza to air prior to World Wrestling Entertainment’s yearly Wrestlemania spectacularCaution: Cryptid Crossover Chaos!

Caution: Cryptid Crossover Chaos! (hereafter referred to as “4C!”) will be the live pilot episode of a hopefully ongoing series exploring the feuds and grudges that exist between various cryptids.  Sure, everyone knows that vampires and werewolves have a centuries long blood feud, but did you know about the grudge that exists between Sasquatches (Sasquatchi) and Yetis?  Although only 22 years old, this grudge has torn these closely related cryptids completely apart, with members of each group now attacking the other on sight.  If picked up, this heartbreaking story of forbidden love and clan politics is slated for a two part special episode.  Other planned episodes of 4C! deal with feuds and grudges between Ogopogo and the Michigan Dogman, Texas Chupacabras and El Chupacabras, Nessie and Champ, and jackalopes and Mongolian death worms.

The premiere episode of 4C! however, will come to you live for the two hours preceding Wrestlemania.  It will be sponsored by WWE, and be free of commercial breaks other than 3 five minute spots advertising Wrestlemania.  It will follow Foster Disbelief as he tries to bring two feuding cryptids together, either to work out their differences, or fight it out on the spot.  Even with the very real threat of life threatening violence, Foster will risk life and limb to search out first Mokele-mbembe, explain his mission to the creature, and then take Mokele-mbembe along as he seeks a giant Anaconda.  Only then will we learn why these jungle dwellers have so many years of bad blood between them, and find out if they can forgive and forget, or if it will be a Royal Rumble!

I figure it will be an easy gig.  I’ll just stand in the woods somewhere and say something like “Well, I guess Mokele-mbembe doesn’t want any part of a giant Anaconda, because he is no where in sight.”  I’ll pull some bullshit “facts” out of my ass about non-existent creatures that no one can disprove, and count my money.  Hell, maybe I’ll even feed myself to a snake.

Elementary School Predator Jailed

Dateline – Sátira, Pennsylvania

The scene outside Persiflage Elementary School, here in the small Pennsylvanian town of Sátira, was a mixture of disbelief and jubilation.  Disbelief that their small town was hiding what the Pennsylvania State Police can only call a ticking time bomb; a classic textbook pedophile lurking in the local elementary school.  Jubilation that he was apprehended apparently before he could lure any of the school’s innocent children into his web of sexual sin.  Yet even though this predator was stopped before he could make local students his prey, the same question is on the minds of all local parents:  Is he the only one?

The suspect, a Mr. S. Kit Karikatur, who has lived his whole life in Sátira at the corner of Parodie Avenue and Sarkasmus Street, was arrested during an anxious raid at the school, performed a little after 9:30 am.  PA State Trooper Hohn Pasquinade, commander of Barracks L337, took us through the arrest.

“The pervert didn’t know what hit him.  We swarmed the school with our SWAT team, assisted by teams from the 5 surrounding counties.  Between civil forfeiture laws, drug task force money, and anti-terror funds, we have equipment that surpasses 75% of the world’s militaries.  We tossed a few flashbangs into the classroom and stormed in, firing off a few warning shots into the ceiling to let him know we mean business.  Would you believe the pedo actually pissed himself?  Well, all the students pissed themselves as well, but leave that part out.  Just talk about the perv.”

More after the jump, including a picture of the suspect.

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