A h/t to Ed Brayton for letting us know this site existed.
Here’s a bit of trivia you can use to wow your friends with at the bar. I’m sure I’ll find many more facts from this site to share with everyone. From the Creation Science Hall of Fame:
Key elements of the Hydroplate Theory will help any reader understand why comets, and their orbits, could date the Global Flood. To review: when God created the heavens and the earth, He created two compartments of water on the earth. One compartment became the early seas. The other became a subcrustal ocean.
See, we’re going to use comets to date the Global Flood. You know, that thing that never happened. Pay attention. So we have this subcrustal ocean. What’s that you ask? Jesus….
The Apostle Peter makes this abundantly clear, but only if you correctly read the original. The New American Standard Bible (copyright: the Lockman Foundation) renders that verse thus:
They willfully ignore this fact: that by the word of God the heavens existed long ago and the earth was formed out of water and by water.
Or, if you read the original Greek words and know their roots, it should read in part:
The earth formed itself standing-together out of the water.
Standing. On what? On pillars that held up the dry land. Underneath that land: water. Or to be more specific, a subcrustal ocean.
Plainly obvious. Now the moon is going to cook this water.
In the centuries that followed Creation, the moon would pull on the land, and let it fall, a little slower than twice a day. This tidal pumping heated the subcrustal ocean to a supercritical temperature. And because the massive crust confined it, this water was also under supercritical pressure. This condition creates a supercritical fluid – liquid and vapor dissolving one another.
Then the crust is going to fail. Believe me, stepping on this crack would certainly break your mothers back….
“In the six hundredth year of the life of Noah, in the second month, in the seventeenth day of the month,” the crust failed. (Genesis 7:11) That failure happened roughly where the Mid-Oceanic Ridge now stands. The failure began as a crack, literally microscopic in breadth. This crack rapidly widened and lengthened, until it ran the full length of the present Mid-Oceanic Ridge system. (The Mid-Oceanic Ridge is 46,000 miles long and wraps around the earth like the stitched seam of a baseball.)
All that water came rushing out of its subcrustal chamber, at hypersonic speed. It eroded the land mass for about 400 miles to either side. Beneath it, the floor of the chamber buckled up, now that all the weight pressing on it abruptly lifted. The two parts of the land mass slid down the slope that thus formed. North and South America fell away to the west, and Europe and Africa to the east. When they eventually crashed, they crushed and buckled up, to form the mountain chains we know today. (Note: Mount Everest did not rear itself up until late in the Flood year. So we have no reason to suppose that the Flood waters covered Mount Everest as Mount Everest.)
So the next time one of your hellbound friends mocks the flood by stating how much water would be needed to cover Mount Everest, just give them that pitying look that says “you are so ignorant and stupid, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship by telling you that out loud.” You know, the one they always give you.
And some of the water, rock and mud that came rushing out of that chamber did not fall back to earth. A large amount, about one percent of the total mass of the earth, is still in space. It went into orbit around the sun, moved beyond earth’s gravitational influence, and then accreted to form several types of objects. These objects persist as the comets, asteroids, and meteoroids of today.
Now this is science! Not that Satan spawn shit spewed out by college textbooks, public schools, and the National Geographic channel, but real, God fearing, Bible believing science. Remember, if you can’t twist it in some insanely complicated way to agree with the Bible, then it is Satanscience and you have my permission to cover your ears and yell “Get behind me, Satan! and no staring at my good Christian ass either!”
Now there is a lot of complicated insane twisting that dates certain comets back to this event, but this is just a blog post, not a graduate level class in Creation Science, so if you want all the
hilarity totally backed up by evidence details you can read them at your leisure. I’m going to skip ahead a bit….
The most-likely date for a “cluster of perihelia” is 3344.5 BC. That is, January of 3344 BC, and six months further back in the past from then. That would put those comets at perihelion in the summer of 3345 BC. Dr. Brown estimates greater than 96 percent confidence for this date. He further estimates an error of about one year.
This, of course, is the most statistically likely perihelion date for these comets. Such a tight clustering of these five comets near earth’s orbit any time in the last 6,000 years (the range of possible flood dates) would only occur by chance less than 4% of the time. As a surprising bonus, this date of convergence coincides with one specific biblically derived date for the flood, as explained below.
These comets would have launched about halfway through autumn in the year of the Global Flood. The annalists of the Global Flood year (Shem, Ham, and Japheth, sons of Noah) state that the Global Flood broke out “in the second month, in the seventeenth day of the month.” Noah and his sons, in those days, used a calendar with a 360-day year and a 30-day month, with the first month beginning with the autumnal equinox. (Moses would receive a Divine directive to reckon the year from the first full moon past the vernal equinox in the year of the Exodus.)
Thus these comets, and all other comets, launched in autumn of the year 3345 BC, give or take a year. This, then, is a good astronomical date range for the Global Flood.
Q. E. Mutha Fuckin’ D. Suck on that, SatanScience! So now we have the date, and the method, what will this mean to other subjects?
We now have a firm astronomical date for the Global Flood. This date by itself validates the most comprehensive (and comprehensible) model anyone has yet invented for the Global Flood. But it also carries weighty implications for many other disciplines, including without limitation:
- Human biology, and especially human longevity.
- The poisoning of the atmosphere by the carbon-14 that the Global Flood dumped into it.
- History of ancient Mesopotamia, including Chaldean, Aramean (ancient Syrian), and Babylonian history.
- History of Judaism.
This new date will force many scholars to lay aside many of their most cherished positions. It will do this by giving the strongest piece of direct evidence not only that the Global Flood happened, but exactly when. And when many other events occurred as well.
The Holy Bible, subject to the proper choice of manuscripts, now stands as the Gold-standard Historical Record. All other historical records must stand (or fall) on their synchrony (or lack of it) with the Bible.
So the next time someone calls you an ignorant halfwit, or tries to explain the so called proofs of an old earth to you, or suggests that you take a science class, or just gives you that look that you know oh so well, remember that they are going to burn in hell for all of eternity and you will get to watch them suffer and plead with you to ease their pain while you laugh at them.
Oh, and that our science is right!