Yeah, I Just Canceled HBO.

I stuck with it as long as I could.

Even after whatever the fuck last season was, I stuck around for the first episode of the sixth season of Game of Thrones.

I was even planning on keeping HBO even if I stopped watching Game of Thrones completely.  After all, John Oliver.

After seeing the Dornish story line in the first episode, I’ve decided I can not give HBO another cent of my money.

I have no illusion that my cancellation means a damn thing.  I’m not that self-important.  The customer service rep at Direct TV joked with me when I canceled that I must not watch Game of Thrones.  She was a bit taken aback upon finding out that I am a huge ASOIAF nerd and Game of Thrones was the only reason I had HBO in the first place.  I am just one against the flood of people coming back to HBO with the start of the new season.  I gave her the 30 second run down on why I was done with the show, which got the amusing reply of “well I guess a five dollar discount isn’t going to keep you then, is it.”

Come on people, they pissed in your glass and you keep praising the vintage.  The AV Club gave that train wreck a B fucking plus.

I would pay so much for five off the record minutes with George R. R. Martin, a writer who is notoriously hostile to fan fiction, to hear his uncensored thoughts on what D&D have done to his characters.

*deep breath*

That’s it.  Not turning this into a 1000 word rant.  I’ve said what I logged on to say.

I’ll close by promoting Fandom Following, GoTgifsandmusings, and theculturalvacuum.

A Cat of a Different Coat or a Whole Separate Animal?

From an interview with Alfie Allen, who plays Theon Greyjoy in HBO’s Game of Thrones, on season six action:

And we’re running through and we come to a river and Sansa is just too scared basically to get into the river. So I get in. Don’t believe the press shots! It looks like she’s trying to get me out of the river, when I’m actually trying to be the strong one and get her in the river.

*reads the interview calmly*  *re-reads the above line*  *face palms*  *slams head off desk several times*  *longs for the halcyon days of season three when I thought Game of Thrones was the best possible adaptation A Song of Ice and Fire could ever get.*  *cancels HBO*

If there are any English majors around, may I ask a question?  While I am aware that nothing (excepting an example of visual irony I believe) in Alanis Morissette’s hit song “Ironic” is actual ironic, how’s this for an example?

George R. R. Martin, an author who is an outspoken critic of fan fiction, signs off on a adaptation of his masterpiece, the epic series A Song of Ice and Fire, to be adapted for the small screen by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss for HBO, only to see it change from a fairly faithful adaptation to pure, “chaos is a ladder” fan fiction that ignores more of his themes and characterizations than it acknowledges?

Is that ironic?

*sigh*  And yet I am sure it will set viewing records for HBO this season as well.

(And just to cut off an argument I get much too often, no, they are not going their own way apart from the books because they ran out of material.  They spent 2 seasons (3 and 4) adapting the third book in the series, A Storm of Swords.  Then, instead of adapting the next two huge novels in the series, they instead changed every single plot line significantly for no reason other than they wanted to.  I wonder what the reaction would have been if halfway through the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Peter Jackson killed off Legolas, had Gimli start molesting hobbits, made Aragorn rape Éowyn, and changed the ending to have Frodo kill Smeagol after Gollum kills Sam, and then throw the ring into Mount Doom himself in order to make him look more heroic to the viewers?)

Color Me Confused in Lannister Crimson….

Note:  This post, and all links within, may contain spoilers for the book series A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin as well as the television adaptation, Game of Thrones.  I will use a “more” tag to protect visitors from being inadvertently spoiled by book knowledge that has yet to be covered by the show.  If it has aired in the first four seasons, I don’t consider it a spoiler.  If it is something from the book that they obviously are never going to use in the show (hot weasel soup, anyone?) I don’t consider it a spoiler.  Explaining that the series ends during Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen’s wedding, as the camera pulls back, showing us first the Red Keep, then King’s Landing, then all of Westeros, until we realize that Westeros is inside of a snow globe in the hands of an autistic child would be a spoiler.  Fair enough?

Followers of the HBO television phenomenon, Game of Thrones, may have heard the rumors that Jaime Lannister finds himself traveling to Dorne during the upcoming fifth season.  Fans of the show who have not read the books are probably cautiously excited over this prospect; after all, Dorne is where that awesome Oberyn character came from, and they have some pretty progressive sounding politics down there, which should provide many interesting character development possibilities for Kingslayer on his path of redemption.  Meanwhile, us book readers saw the rumor and thought, “oh, that’s nice.  Jaime will have a good time in Dor……What the living fuck is Jaime doing in Dorne?!”

I am not one of the strictest fans of the book when it comes to the television adaptation.  I love the book series, and I of course want them to remain as faithful to the books as possible.  But the fourth season finale did not end with clumps of my hair entwined in my fingers as I screamed at the deaf TV, “that’s not what happened!”  The removal of any mention of Tysha from Tyrion’s escape meant the brothers parted on different terms than in the books, and it changed a chunk of Tyrion’s motivations.  Some book readers felt this was a bridge too far, yet I understand completely why the showrunners made this change.  Peter Dinklage’s Tyrion Lannister is, if not the most popular character on the show, one of the top three.  How dark do they want to make one of the most popular characters going into the fifth season?  Especially with the dark turn in store for Tyrion’s main competition for most favored character.  And of course, other than randomly asking people “Where do whores go?,” most of the Tysha storyline takes place inside Tyrion’s head, which doesn’t exactly lead to compelling television.  So I’m fine with having them hug and part company on good terms.

I bring that up just so you know where I stand on the adaptation and sticking to the story.  Sure, I think they screwed up royally with the three eyed crow‘s make up, but I didn’t quit watching because Littlefinger said “Only your sister” instead of “Only Cat” before chucking Lysa out the Moon Door.  Well, that and because this post so far gives a decent view of my spoiler policy, but mainly so you’d know I am not slamming my head off of random objects because Jaime sent Pod with Brienne, instead of Pod following her to try and find Tyrion.  So it is with that knowledge that I tell you my immediate response upon hearing rumors of Jaime visiting Dorne during the fifth season  was “Are they drunk, high, or both?  Does someone have compromising pictures of the double D’s that are being used to blackmail them into tanking the show?  Maybe the rumor is wrong.  Perhaps they name one of the new ships Ser Jaime’s Hand and that goes to Dorne.  Why the fuckity fuck would Jaime go to Dorne?”

I have no problems with the show electing to send a raiding party up to deal with the mutineers at Craster’s Keep, nor with Brienne and the Hound crossing swords in a duel so awesome I almost want to bow to the cliche and just call it “epic.”  (Spoiler alert, neither actually occurs in the books.)  But Jaime in Dorne I have a problem with.  Since I’ll be discussing Jaime’s path in A Feast for Crows and season 5, I’ll tuck the rest of the post behind a “more” tag.


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