Jesus, if he existed, was probably fucking Mary Magdalene. If not, then I imagine the gatherings he had with the Twelve included lots of blowjobs and anal. He also wasn’t born of a virgin. No, the “virgin” Mary, mother of God, took a load of sperm from someone who wasn’t her husband and then came up with the “God did it” excuse to avoid being stoned to death as an adulteress. How much suffering could have been prevented if she just would have taken it in the mouth or ass? Imagine. If the birth control pill would have existed back then, there may have been no reason for the Inquisition.
Much more after the jump, including music and my artistic rendering of Muhammad.